I am tapped out. I know most people have a lot going on, from weddings and divorces to illnesses and multiple jobs, and I don’t feel like I’m coping the way you all are.
My little family has been sick on-and-off for the last 2 months. First; hand foot and mouth (baby was home from daycare 10 days and by day 5 I also had it) then he had a cold (out for 3 days) then he had another virus (out for 2), then he got hand foot and mouth again (out for 3) and finally, another cold (out for 2 but also got both my husband and I sick – my husband ended up in the ER and I am on Day 10 of and ear infection so I can’t hear out of my left ear). We don’t have family near enough to help out and we haven’t ever used a sitter (something we know we need to correct) so each time the baby is home, hubby and I have to figure out how to juggle our work plans to either split the day or take the day off. Also, our son’s daycare is 3minutes from my work, and 45 minutes from my husbands work, so every time he gets sent home I have to drop everything.
I know how lucky I am. I have a great life/hubby/son, but I’m spent. My boss has been phenomenal about all my emergencies, weird hours and time off, but I can’t help feeling shitty about it all. My work is probably suffering from being up all night with a sick baby and having to compromise schedules so that hubby and I can try to make it all work. How are you guys juggling everything and making it look so easy?
A Portrait of the Scientist as a Young Woman 
I think anyone who makes it look easy is just better at hiding the disasters when they happen. And perhaps by remaining optimistic that things will get better, it helps to make it a little easier. You’re doing great!
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Wow, you read my mind yesterday! Except in my family it’s me who keeps getting mysterious illnesses and everyone keeps telling me it’s because I’m doing too much, but all I can think is how many other people have two kids and a job – so what’s wrong with me that I can’t do it, even with help, without physically collapsing?
I don’t think most people hide the bad stuff exactly, they just talk (post) about the good stuff.
I’m glad your boss/job has been so great through all that!!
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Oh my, you are having a marathon of a season ❤ It will pass and you will all be healthy and functional again, but it's almost impossible to see that from the trenches.
I feel totally spent too. I hear you, and most probably do. I think we show or talk about the positive things to make ourselves feel like things are okay. And even when we talk — and particularly when we write — about our lives we like to do so when we have navigated the worst of it somewhat already, or are almost on the other side, to continue to give ourselves and others hope that life is manageable. I've come to believe that it's not that people have more going on than others, but that we all have different balls in the air at different times. But girl. Most days I feel like I am just garbage at being an adult.
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I don’t have children, and I can’t even do it all. I realized during a 5 hour drive back from a water logged camping trip that I booked an *entire weekend’s* worth of travel for the WRONG WEEKEND. Plane tix, lodging, rental car – everything. I booked it 1 month in advance, dotted my i’s, crossed my t’s… for one week earlier than the date of the event my boyfriend and I are traveling for. I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and ended up booking the travel arrangements late at night on a weeknight after 12 hours of work and didn’t notice that I chose the wrong set of dates. Sigh. You’re not alone. And, as long as I’m confessing, I also bought underwear earlier this year on amazon prime, because I couldn’t muster up the time or energy to do laundry, and my version of cooking dinner is mac-n-cheese + frozen veggies + the least questionable meat from the refrigerator.
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Thank you so much for writing this post. I need to tell you: I’m not coping either. I mean, today, this week, I’m coping. Somewhat. Although my house looks like an explosion went off and I’m so sleep deprived I can barely parallel park… But it’s been a good few weeks and I can feel myself bracing for the next crisis I can’t cope with because it feels like we’re about due for one, haha…
Like you guys, my husband and I don’t have any family that can help. And, since last November, it’s been one weird illness after the next (I seem to get the sickest out of my family, for whatever reason, probably because I do run myself ragged). I won’t get into details but it’s been a ROUGH year and I nearly cried out of empathy when I read your post.
But I think the moments where it is all working, when everyone is healthy, when work is OK… things are just SO great in those moments I’ve honestly never been happier. So I try to focus on that. And seriously who has time to dwell yesterday’s crisis? Haha, today/tomorrow will bring their own crisis (ie, last night our ceiling fixture lamp came crashing down into our bed for no apparent reason, which is why our house looks like an explosion went off).
But maybe we all need to be a bit more honest about how hard it all is, and the toll it takes. Because reading your post and the comments makes me feel so much less alone than I’ve felt all year. It’s hard to admit, when you’re blessed enough (as I am) to have a child you adore and a job you’ve fought for, that things…. well, they’re just really, really HARD.
Believe me, I am not coping as well as it may appear from the outside. Probably, from the outside, it looks like you’re coping beautifully as well!
Thank you SO much for your honesty and bravery in posting!
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I struggle with this so deeply. I feel like I’m surrounded by competent women who make a full time job and kids look at least manageable; meanwhile, I’m struggling to come up for air. The dinners are serve are never healthy, I can’t find time to exercise and I’m always 5 minutes late to work. I’m considering making a change professionally. I don’t think I’d be satisfied by quitting completely, but staying home for a few years is something I’m percolating on. I want a slower, more deliberate life. Thanks for writing!
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